My weight does not define my beauty

My weight does not define my beauty

“The beauty of a woman is not in a facial mole, but true beauty in a woman is reflected in her soul. It is the caring that she lovingly gives, the passion that she knows.” Audrey Hepburn

This week I lost 400gram and I am so proud. During the past 23 years I was constantly reminded about my weight. Not only by people I know, even people I don’t know afford themselves the right to comment on my weight. I often reflected on why people are so preoccupied with weight. I have come the conclusion that even though there are some that are really concerned about my health,  for most people it is about not fitting in their frame of beauty.

I admire women who take care of themselves, who take hours to apply their make-up every day, put their clothes out the night before for work, dream about their beauty and make sure they don’t miss their monthly botox appointment but I also admire the women who work in the shopping centre’s parking area and remembers my children’s names and enquire about them.

For me beauty is much more than my weight. The scale will never have the ability to define who I am. I am, like all of you are, a wonderful woman. I have the ability to live a life of gratitude despite of so many things. I have seen too many women doubting themselves because of their weight. I’ve been there and know the feelings it evokes.

Today I beg you to challenge these preconceived ideas of beauty that society has embedded upon us and find out who you really are.  What are your passions and purpose in life?  This week I was confronted with this enormous task again and would like to share it with you. 

My daughter, Zina a first year student received an invitation as a born-free to come and participate in celebrations regarding diversity at her institution.  Born frees is the term given to those born in 1994 – the year of our first democratic elections. This celebration made me reminisce about so many things in my past which I am sure most of you can relate to.

“Never, never and never again shall it be that this beautiful land will again experience the oppression of one by another and suffer the indignity of being the skunk of the world.” (Nelson Mandela, Inaugural speech, 1994)

For most South Africans who experienced racism and patriarchy, key components of our history of apartheid and colonialism these words echoed a new era of hope. 

My dad died in February. One of my fondest memories I have of him, is my dad taking me with to meetings organised by the Civic organisation. I can so clearly remember the venue of the meetings and Mr Fortuin and Mr Hendricks speaking at these meetings. It was at these meetings boycotts, rallies, strikes etc. in solidarity with others was planned. I was only grade 7 when I started going with my dad to these meetings but it was at these meetings that the meaning of “An injury to one is an injury to all” was installed.

A while ago someone asked me what I meant by being a woman passionate about humanity. My definition of humanity is grounded on a sense of interconnectedness as embraced in the concept Ubuntu so fondly used by Bishop Tutu.  Ubuntu means: “I am a person through other people. My humanity is tied to yours.” It affirms that no person can fully realise their own humanity if others in society is denied humanity.  

It is in response to my own convictions that I tried to explain to Zina that she cannot regard herself as born-free if there are so many young people out there that has so little or no hope for the future. I see so many young people struggling to survive. Some of them don’t even know where their next plate of food is coming from.  I see young people telling me that they’re not sure what time they can study peacefully because the areas where they live are filled with gang fights and violence. I see young people telling me that they cannot study because they are worried about how their family are surviving at home. For so many young people poverty is a daily reality and education is regarded as their ticket out.


I realised I can only say that I am passionate about humanity if my actions reflect my passion. I realised that I cannot be part of a culture of silence – my passion requires of me to be the voice of those that cannot speak and actively try and make a difference.  I realised that we can only say our hope is a reality if there is equality for all South Africans irrespective of race, gender, sexuality or any other salient subject locations. The words “My humanity is tied to yours” and not the numbers on a scale defines my beauty.

Have a week filled with love, joy and gratitude.

Melanie